ohhhh baby children

So today I didn’t have children. I got to think about lots of fun things from my kiddos lately. I found notes about them that I’ve written. Apparently…we talked about truckers recently. I do remember this, it’s not apparent, I guess. So I asked the kids what kind of trucks you’d like to ride in…and they told me: dump trucks, fire trucks, ice cream trucks (my personal favorite)…and then…bump trucks. Ok. I said…dump trucks? No. Bump trucks. Ummm ok? So. Apparently…a bump truck is a truck that goes up and down in the back. WHAT?! I love these kids…and their social exposure.

So…the adorable story of the day. A little girl…who’s since moved came up to me one day while we were packing up and asked me, “Ms. Havens, what’s young?” And I replied, “Sweetheart, what are you talking about?” So she went on to say…”I need to know what young is.” and so I tried to say, “Well…there’s young and old…” and she said…”No…I mean, is it 6 or 7?” and I said, “6 or 7?” and she said, “Yeah…you said ‘young ladies pack up your bookbags.’ Does that mean 6 or 7?” Oohhhhh children who don’t know what “young ladies” are…I love you. And I actually miss a child who moved. 🙂

rewriting history…and science?

Don’t get me wrong. My children are amazing and wonderful and smart. They’re fabulous. I really love them. Even with 25 of them there, I absolutely love them.

My favorite thing to watch is the evolution of writing. However, with this also comes the realization that they don’t have the power to re-write history and science with their creativity and lack of spelling/word-sounding-out-skills.

So today, I present 2 journals, written by the same lovely young lady. She singlehandedly decided to rewrite Christopher Columbus’ sexuality and the sexual habits of ants. Should I be worried that she writes in sexual innuendo? Perhaps. Anyhow, she’s wonderful. So backstory: we read a story in the reading textbook about ants. It briefly discussed their habits, lifestyle, etc. The whole purpose was for them to know what a nonfiction text was and how it used real pictures during the book. So…they had to write about ants that day in their journal…reflect on the text and what they learned…

This lovely child wrote: “ants dig hoz.”

That’s write. Ants dig hoes. They love ’em. Yeah, it’s supposed to be holes…but after reading 8 million journal entries on ants…I tend to giggle incessantly at these things.

So…6 days later was Columbus Day. Columbus Day is of course the day when most people get out of work. Not me. Not my kids…unless their parents keep them home because they get off of work and obviously need to keep their kids home too. Ridiculous.

I digress…after they learn about Columbus and we briefly discussed the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria…his long travel…the lack of support…Ferdinand/Isabella…I had them write about what they learned about Columbus.

Apparently she learned that “Columbus had 3 ships and 9 men.” The ocean is a long and lonely place, my friends. And Columbus learned that…ahem…the hard way.

I love my job. 🙂

the tooth fairy is on a 2-week pay cycle.

So, I’m sitting in class yesterday and a kid comes RUNNING up to me.

Backstory: On Friday, two children had teeth so loose that they were bleeding all afternoon. Seriously, blood all over their hands all afternoon because they could not STOP wiggling their teeth with their fingers. Ew. Seriously. Ew.
I basically told them that if it wasn’t out by Monday I’d pull it out myself. So Monday morning they both have their teeth out and are constantly telling me that we need to update the “tooth chart” so we can put tallies for their teeth lost in October.

Back to Tuesday morning…

We forgot to do the calendar on Monday because things were out of control…so the little boy comes up to me and says, “Ms. Havens, ya know that tooth I lost? Well it’s in a drawer at home.” To which I cautiously reply…”whyyyy?” and he says, “Well, it’s in the drawer because my mom *and the tooth fairy* don’t get paid until Thursday so I can’t get the money yet.”

#1- Why do you give your kids so much money that you don’t have it until payday?
#2- Why does your kid believe that the tooth fairy is paid on your pay cycle? ‘

Holy crap. I may never have kids.

Pee. Ball Sack.

So. Step one of Monday…

Let’s go to recess. We do this and one of my darling students (who, mind you, is never an issue about restrooms) asks me if she can go to the bathroom. Well, we don’t go to the bathroom at recess. We go after lunch (before music…which is immediately before recess). End of story. So I say…wait until we go inside.

Terrible. Idea.

Cue small child saying, “Mrs. Havens…someone needs you and the nurse…” Uhhhh crap. So my lovely incontinent child is sitting up on the faux rock wall and I can see liquid running down all of its ripples…great.

So, I make her get up and get another teacher to walk her to the nurse. We also thought it might be a good idea (after hours of training on handling bodily fluids) to let the office/custodians know that someone peed on the playground and it should be cleaned. It has literally run down the rock wall…like a slinky of liquid. Disgusting.

CUE CHILDREN STILL RUNNING UP AND DOWN THE ROCKS!!!!!

So, I stood at recess for 25 minutes yelling, “STAY OFF THE ROCK WALL!?!?!?!?!?!” and at some points literally pulling children down to keep them from putting their hands in urine. Disgusting. They feel liquid on their hands and wipe it on their jeans. Ew. Seriously. Ew. So, my friend comes out and says, “Brace yourself. The office says we don’t have a hose so leave it because it’s supposed to rain.” My mind literally goes *BOOM* and explodes. My eyes must’ve looked blank and/or angry because she said, “Like I said, stay calm.” So we proceed to take the walkie-talkie from another teacher and radio the custodian on our own because apparently…APPARENTLY the office doesn’t have to do the training for bodily fluids.

Let’s backtrack to this morning…
Today was the day we start reading groups. Awesome. Ish. I mean, it was fine and my kids were good and they did their work and did well reading, etc. However, during reading groups we get to do some little alphabet sound sorts…play little games…read a little book. Literally, a *little* book. They are maybe 8 pages with one sentence on each page (for the easier reading groups). So, I take out the lesson plan and see that today’s New Book is “Play Ball”…which is a lame book that we get from our reading textbook series…but to these kids…it’s like gold because they can read it. And I love promoting success. 🙂

So, we’re taking a “picture walk”, which basically means looking at *just* pictures (no words) and trying to predict what will happen. So…short story long…some animals (rabbit and bird) are waiting in the park for their friend (Zack the bear). [This week’s “sound” is -ck so these words are *super* prevalent.] So Zack is carrying this GIANT bag of baseball equipment. They say that Zack is bringing his sack if you’re reading the text which we’re NOT because it’s a picture walk. So…I flip through the pages and have them predict what they’ll do at the end (obviously play baseball). And we get to the page after Zack arrives on the scene and I say…

“What do you think Zack has in his BALL SACK?!”

At which point I look around to make sure none of my kids realize this is really disturbing/hilarious…and giggle for a few minutes while they think I’ve lost my mind.

I love my job.